Understanding Depression
I open my eyes
Don’t want to wake
I cannot face another day
I sleep as much as possible
Just to waste time
Dreams haunting me relentlessly
I wake crying for the life I once had
Everything seems bleak
No light at the end of the tunnel
No bright future for me
Just misery
Memories of the past
My face laughing
I barely remember it now
Every day is a struggle
I pretend to all I’m ok
I am not of course
Locked within my own dark world
Tears never far
I hate being alive
Being tortured day after day
I sit in the corner
Try not to think
But my brain is in overdrive
Thoughts travel through
At the speed of light
Nothing makes sense
It is all confused
Just jumbled is my mind
In my dark depressed world
The loneliest place you could imagine
It traps me and keeps me its prisoner
Sentenced to a life of pain and agony
Assorted thoughts merge into one
I can’t stand the noise in my head
Not wanting to speak
Fed up having to pretend
I don’t want to worry my family and friends
Some understand
Some don’t
I wish they did
So I don’t have to explain
Sometimes I don’t bother to get dressed
What’s the point?
I never go out
Sometimes I don’t wash
Or even go to the loo
I will sit for hours in pain
Because my bladder is so full
I abuse my body
In more ways than one
I have no respect or desires
I don’t live I just exist from day to day
I deserve it
I believe I deserve to die
Thoughts of taking my life
Drift through my head
I am a burden
A drain on everyone I know
No one will miss me
I am nothing to most
Just a frail frame that cries all the time
If you only knew what my existence is like
The isolation and hopelessness I feel
Fearing no end
Scared to speak the truth
I suspect the doctors know my reality
They learn from books but still don’t get it
Asking stupid questions I refuse to answer
If you only knew how cutting it is
To hear the words “pull yourself together!”
Do you not think I would if I could?
Do you not think I want the same as you?
My heart sinks every time I hear it
And it seems pointless to talk
If only you knew how hard it is
Talking for the sake of it
Pretending to be happy when you’re not
It is tiring
Both pointless and hopeless
Living with this torment night and day
No one understands
No one
Copyright © Sarah Bryant | Year Posted 2015
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