Understanding

Its been two years and i’m 15 now, The tumour just sits there, Waiting, staying, lingering, Doing absolutely no harm to anything, It’s not hurting anything physically, Although I wish I could say the same mentally. I’m not allowed to feel negatively about my situation, Why should i? Im lucky that Im healthy, Im lucky that I still live my life, So why do I still panic? And cry and break down every time I hear the words: Brain tumour, Why am I not allowed to cry and break down? I know exactly why. I can’t cry and break down, So I can be strong for everyone else, So I can joke about it, So I can say: It’s just having a little boogy up there, it’s not doing anything. When in fact it is doing something. Something that scans and mri’s cant pick up, Something that brain surgeons and nuerologists cant diagnose, Something that no one else but me can see. It’s tearing me apart, but I wouldn’t tell anyone that, They would tell me that I shouldn’t feel this way They wouldn’t understand.