Twisted love

When I try to forget you I just keep on remembering Memories of my sadness Everything in total blackness You were grieving, I understand But you left me alone, life i had to withstand You didn't care enough for me Now as an adult that is clear to see Born under a black star some would say The house on the street with so much dismay It didn't have to be that way If you had loved me enough to not betray When she died life went black I longed every day to have her back I know you did too, I know that is true But her death we couldn't undue But what was to follow, was heartache and pain You met him just before she passed away He became your world, I was pushed aside He always made me feel fear inside Do you remember when you hid me in Ireland? Locked in a room, your bastard child Only allowed out if no one was looking Had to stay quiet to keep him from leaving Do you remember when he kicked a door in my face? A massive black eye, i was only in year 6 I had to say I fell down the stairs His feelings were for all you really cared What about when I was 21 He beat the s**t out of me, you allowed it, your scum You said you would blame me if he left Couldn't tell the police, his career would be dead You let that happen, you didn't care You always forgived all his affairs A great role model that your not Don't ever think for a second I forgot You choose love over your child Now I'm an adult your behaviour seems wild You never cooked me a meal before I was 7 You left mama to do that before she went to heaven My mind is filled with sadness and rage You a great mother? Oh please behave You have 3 other kids with the love of your life With what he did to me how do you sleep at night? Mama died and my life ended You bought him into the house, me he tormented Living in fear everyday But I always had to say sorry to make him stay I hope your happy in your mundane life I hope you can sleep at night Maybe one day spare a thought for me The pain you caused me is out for the world to see. I will get better as time moves on But I will never forgive what you've done A phone call from a doctor was all it took To realise my mum is a total crook I will love you till the day I die Maybe thats trauma, or maybe I'm too kind If one day you reach out to me Silence is all you will deserve from me I cant say goodbye, I know that's not kind But enough of my life you have undermined I will love you forever, that's a fact But for now I have to take MY life back