Twin Brother

We grew together in the womb, no knowledge of the world just one another I leaned on you for protection as you looked to me for comfort and grace And when our momma died and our dad went away I want you to know I wished I could have taken sadness place I’d filled you with joy and love but something in me was growing too A darkness I still hate I fight till this day I apologize on the days I failed you as I got lost too I’d watch other boys watch their fathers and I’d be angry for you I wanted to teach you those things but how can a child teach a child what they don’t know Just know I’m so proud to be able to watch you grow There came a day when others saw your temper grow into anger But even on those days I saw my loving twin brother When we were little we needed each other I soon felt obligated to carry the role of our mother To care for you and nurture you to show you softness when you knew none of it But I also struggled with a sadness and anger I just sometimes wish I could be a kid again I remember I’d climb trees and you’d wait at the bottom I’d get stuck and you’d say “you got it” You put that fire in me no one could tame it You tormented me enough but I couldn’t blame you You also loved me and carried me through rough grass Just so my feet wouldn’t get sand spurs you’d carry me like glass I loved you through our rough days I’d rock and sing to you Sometimes I wonder if you think of those days But I know trauma works funny I couldn’t blame you if you didn’t I know more than anything trauma rips the memories away We play in the sun and we’d both get a burn from playing all day I’d take care of you first not thinking of me You were my “big brother” so you’d always be stern with me I’d give you a fight but eventually you’d let me be I prayed for you everyday that you wouldn’t feel how I felt But I know we carried the same weight from the life cards we were dealt The kind that makes you loose your inner child and you forget about it I hope you know I’d take any pain from you and never regret it I want you to know when I look at you I see the boy that loved me first You’d help me with my hair when I’d hand you my brush Sitting here now I look at the time I wished didn’t feel rushed And on the day that came when we had our last together for everything I sit here now thinking how things were different But life carried and we go on but I was hoping that could change We have new experiences and discovered our own views But everyday I still find myself missing you You’ll always be my twin and I know life wasn’t on our side But I’m so proud of you to see the things you’ve done even when the world wasn’t kind Just remember to slow down and take care of your time I hope you know you deserve to feel loved inside And in the days your temper got you or frustrations grow Just remember I’m use to you and I’ll show So even on the tough days keep that in mind cause I’ll love you even after I die