Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas
when I and my groom
finally found a motel 
but with just one room.

My groom was in the bathroom -
leaving me alone-
so that he could douse himself 
with some cheap cologne.

I - in my red negligee -
thought of bump and grind,
visions of his sugar plums
dancing in my mind.

Then a noise I heard outside
gave me such a fright!
who was out there in the snow
on our special night?

Opening our small room’s door,
I felt like a goof.
It was just an icicle 
falling off the roof.

Then I felt a sudden breeze.
One unlucky bride!
As the door behind me shut,
I was locked outside.

When upon my motel door
I began to pound,
it was clear that my dear groom
did not hear a sound.

Right before my startled eyes,
what should then appear?
Someone dressed as Santa Claus,
filling me with fear!

His eyes, though not so cheery,
lit up, seeing me
as he crossed the street and came
stumbling drunkenly.

I stood helpless, trembling in
scanty siren red
when an icicle fell down
clunking my poor head.

I revived in the ER,
thong still on my rump!
Underneath my bandage was
an enormous lump.

Thankfully my groom was there,
smelling of Old Spice.
But we’d have no chance to give
gifts naughty and nice.

At our room I later saw
Santa Claus was there -
that same guy who’d seen me in
sexy underwear.

Having seen my accident
he’d informed my groom
right before he then collapsed
stone drunk in our room.

Santa on our honeymoon
with cheeks rosy red,
(but not one “Merry Christmas”), 
stole our wedding bed.

12/8/12 
Now used for Joseph May's 
The Night Before Christmas Poetry Contest

Copyright © | Year Posted 2012



Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

123
Date: 12/12/2018 12:22:00 AM
Enjoyed this thoroughly! Blessings and sincerest congratulations for your win in Joseph's fun Christmas contest, Andrea - I pray you and yours have a happy and healthy holiday season! Keep the ink flowing, my friend! :-) <3
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 7:57:00 PM
Too funny, Andrea! Congratulations on top win!
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 5:23:00 PM
Wow, Pornetry Soup... Sugar plums.... aren’t they some kind of fairy? Well done Andrea, congrats.
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 3:21:00 PM
so good to read this again Andrea lol:-) hugs Jan xx
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 9:41:00 AM
SO....SO GOOD ANDREA....LMAO
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 5:38:00 AM
Soooo funny...Congratulations on your top win, Andrea.
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2018 1:19:00 AM
Hilarious, Andrea! Your story unfolded so wittily in verse. Congratulations on your first place in Joseph's contest! Hugs, Carolyn
Login to Reply
Date: 12/8/2018 7:08:00 PM
Congratulations for your win :)
Login to Reply
Date: 12/29/2015 10:41:00 PM
Sad but bringing chuckles. Congratulations. Love, Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 12/29/2015 7:19:00 PM
Hi Andrea: Very clever and verrry funny! Congrats on your win!
Login to Reply
Date: 12/29/2015 6:17:00 PM
ANDREA, Congratulations on your nice win. Enjoy the coming year..... SKAT
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 9:05:00 PM
LOLOLOLOL!! Oh my! Tears from laughing.. funniest thing I've read in a long time! lol I so enjoyed that, I can't tell you enough. Hilarious!
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 6:39:00 PM
Congratulations on the placement of the contest Andrea.
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 6:33:00 PM
Andrea what a story. lol. Loved this Andrea Santa was so lucky to see that beauty queen. Congratulations on your clever write.
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 12:22:00 PM
Hilarious I laughed out loud reading this one again:-) congrats:-) hugs Jan xx
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 12:06:00 PM
Very clever and creative Andrea! I loved this!1 -luloo *smiles*
Login to Reply
Date: 12/28/2015 8:57:00 AM
Haha... very funny Andrea...Congrats on your win
Login to Reply
Date: 12/11/2014 11:52:00 AM
Congratulations on your win with this fun poem Andrea
Login to Reply
Date: 12/10/2014 10:47:00 AM
I remember this one from last year! I recycled one, too. Should have been higher, but hey, I got an HM for the pie poem, too. PS contest placements are like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, I guess.
Login to Reply
Date: 12/9/2014 6:55:00 PM
this did make me laugh Andrea - many congrats:-) hugs Jan xx
Login to Reply
Date: 12/23/2013 2:41:00 PM
Not too spicy after all the warning, just sugar plums and g-strings, maybe a PG-13. Fun story!
Login to Reply
Date: 7/24/2013 4:18:00 PM
Yes, this is funny Petal, it's like a situation comedy, don't know if the adult warning was needed though lol as the story was actually sexless lol. Take care, Richard
Login to Reply
Seal Avatar
Richard D Seal
Date: 7/24/2013 4:20:00 PM
Interesting images lol
Date: 1/8/2013 4:44:00 PM
Andrea, , congratulations in Kim's "Here We Go A Caroling " contest.. a fun poem with flow... always~ PD
Login to Reply
Date: 1/8/2013 2:45:00 PM
Lovely and beautiful piece,Andrea...I love this write...Congrats on your well deserved win...Kudos to you,my dear friend...
Login to Reply
Date: 1/8/2013 10:30:00 AM
[cough] ;) Conrad's on your win. Light & Love
Login to Reply
123
Get a Premium Membership
Get more exposure for your poetry and more features with a Premium Membership.
Book: Reflection on the Important Things

Member Area

My Admin
Profile and Settings
Edit My Poems
Edit My Quotes
Edit My Short Stories
Edit My Articles
My Comments Inboxes
My Comments Outboxes
Soup Mail
Poetry Contests
Contest Results/Status
Followers
Poems of Poets I Follow
Friend Builder

Soup Social

Poetry Forum
New/Upcoming Features
The Wall
Soup Facebook Page
Who is Online
Link to Us

Member Poems

Poems - Top 100 New
Poems - Top 100 All-Time
Poems - Best
Poems - by Topic
Poems - New (All)
Poems - New (PM)
Poems - New by Poet
Poems - Read
Poems - Unread

Member Poets

Poets - Best New
Poets - New
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems
Poets - Top 100 Most Poems Recent
Poets - Top 100 Community
Poets - Top 100 Contest

Famous Poems

Famous Poems - African American
Famous Poems - Best
Famous Poems - Classical
Famous Poems - English
Famous Poems - Haiku
Famous Poems - Love
Famous Poems - Short
Famous Poems - Top 100

Famous Poets

Famous Poets - Living
Famous Poets - Most Popular
Famous Poets - Top 100
Famous Poets - Best
Famous Poets - Women
Famous Poets - African American
Famous Poets - Beat
Famous Poets - Cinquain
Famous Poets - Classical
Famous Poets - English
Famous Poets - Haiku
Famous Poets - Hindi
Famous Poets - Jewish
Famous Poets - Love
Famous Poets - Metaphysical
Famous Poets - Modern
Famous Poets - Punjabi
Famous Poets - Romantic
Famous Poets - Spanish
Famous Poets - Suicidal
Famous Poets - Urdu
Famous Poets - War

Poetry Resources

Anagrams
Bible
Book Store
Character Counter
Cliché Finder
Poetry Clichés
Common Words
Copyright Information
Grammar
Grammar Checker
Homonym
Homophones
How to Write a Poem
Lyrics
Love Poem Generator
New Poetic Forms
Plagiarism Checker
Poetics
Poetry Art
Publishing
Random Word Generator
Spell Checker
Store
What is Good Poetry?
Word Counter