Trapped and Lost

Endless madness, 02-12-2000 blurs my mind... I look around and can not find... Any Peace or Reconciliation... There is a war deep within myself... These demons, I can not stop the things I do, when they possess my mind... I can not escape what I have locked inside... For it is I who bares the key... What am I, but not like the rest... Each and every day seems to be a test... A fight for survival, A hunt, an endless nightmare... I am trapped, held hostage by a force more greater than man... God is what is deep within... What happens is the choice that I'm overthrown by... I can not be free... I have no choice, the choices are made by my spiritual intellect... Everyday seems to drift apart, 02-19-2000 from all my empty life... The fulfillment of all things, I had hoped to have, washed away by a past disturbed.... If only love was stronger, maybe it would have not been so bad... But the drifting apart, torn away all those hopes and dreams... If only faith was stronger and the belief not denied... If I was loved for me inside, instead of what I was capable of doing... Must I strive forth to more days, and have to dwell on the way I had hoped how things could have been??? It could have been a lot more, It seems to be lost... But it is there... I must find myself to establish the way, I had always wished our lives would have been... written while I was in Sircys mental institution... 12-12-00 and 12-19-00