Tragic Relief

I think I'll open a tragedy club where people can come to weep I'll tell the saddest stories around admission will be cheap I'll call the venue Tragic Relief where heartache is the norm and "open mike night" amateurs can mournfully perform To be a standup tragedian has been a lifelong dream No longer caring to cry alone I might even form a team We'll bill ourselves as "Wailing & Tears" and tour throughout the land We'll have them bawling in the aisles til they can hardly stand They'll cry a mighty river at our films from year to year We'll throw in fresh cut onions just to wring out every tear Appearing at my club some time to do a special show the hottest new tragedians will tell their tales of woe No matter if your background is from denim or fine silk we'll gather round and cry all over puddles of spilled milk So take a break and come on down and turn your joy to grief Just keep your eyes peeled for the sign that says Tragic Relief