Tortured Body

Night time rest I lie there counting the stars as they glint in the Heavens Desperate to sleep exhausted tears streak streams from cheek to pillow Not that I feel sorry for myself just simply worn out in need of short respite Scared to try to move as nightly rigamortis sets in but need is there to move to free the stiffness work through extreme pain to break the grip of thise imprisoned bones to free the body and bring short relief that I might make routine bathroom trip before it is too late and further humiliation takes hold Once I can bend and straighten legs freely I can shuffle around suffice to sit then reassure myself just enough to feel able to cope To push and put one foot in front of the other Force this swollen crumbling body beyond the pain required to move from sitting to standing to start to brave the world once more So I can live life to its fullest The calm tends to come after the storm but the peace that follows can be short lived never knowing when the winds direction will turn on its heal bringing tornados and lightening strikes to rack tortures torment through my spine and legs where this disabling degenerative disease desires domination Red lipstick disguise fools those around me They don't see me during these difficult times the occasions I let only those closest to me near Times I become almost totally reliant Like so many mornings when I've no choice but grapple between the raise bar and my husbands strong arm to standing stooped position Flattened hands search the fronts of wardrobe doors sliding upwards as I straighten up taking crutches one in each hand I prop myself strongly then carefully I step slowly and with each movement new release begins to fall fresh upon me for but short time until the hours play same record over or the devils bow plays fiddle with the nerves in my body for encore