Tonight

Here I am... Tonight. Ella is over there sleeping like a bunny in the snow, Am here I am all disheveled tonight because I really miss you. Time passes and you're still far away.. So far away. I think about you everyday like it was yesterday We said goodbye. Reality is.. I need to write to feel at peace within my broken self. I don't want to be like you, Like you were those final three months. So ironic because when you were alive, We were so alike in ways that really matter. I don't envy your heartache though. I'll never know what it feels like to actually plan out, The ending of my life... Over and over and over again. Like a child playing with fire, It leaves scars that run deep. You were my fire. My flame. You kept me lit. So then you had to go and quit? Not try harder, just a little bit? So... Here I sit, afraid and cold, And your fire keeps me helpless for witnessing, You slowly trying to end your life, For months, maybe even years. I would have died for you. But I would never do it on purpose. But we talked last night in my dreams, And it's been way too long since I've drempt of nothing, But you... So... I can only pray, I have one thing to say, I sure miss you everyday. I can't believe you're gone, Went so far away. It feels so raw still. At the same time to pure. You were emotionally insecure. But there's one thing that's for sure, It's your smile I'll always adore. Now let's not even the score, Because unfortunately you'll win every time. I could never do, What you did, To all of us. I've been trying not to fuss, Or bring up any ruckus, It's just is what it is, Just between us. You lusted for fear, And it swallowed your soul. I saw it all go down, You ate your self whole. Bring me a bowl to clean your feet. Sorry you did show defeat. I miss you.. My love, My life, My sweet. Tonight I'll lay down to pray, And as always, I'll starve for you as I weep.