Tom Sharing Aphorisms
Tom Sharing Aphorisms
(old adages)
Composed: by Miracle Man
11-9-2019
I’ve been told, when younger,
”I could start a fight in an empty House.”
Because often “I would cloud up and rain knuckles,”
and later “was a sight for sore eyes”
Sometimes “I just had a conniption fit” and it ended there.
It’s been said “I was like a cheap gun:
shoots quick but kicks hard,”
Because I’ve told a few “how the cow ate the cabbage,”
and “If they ruffled my tail feathers”
they got “burned like a chicken at a barbecue”
after I’d “give’em what for.”
When younger “I had my ears back and claws out,”
and “I’d start a fight at the drop of a hat”
and I’d drop it myself.
I’ve been called tight and narrow minded,
I wasn’t tight “I just had short arms and deep pockets”
and some said “I was so narrow minded
that I could look through a keyhole with both eyes.”
But I thought “I was tougher than stewed skunk”
Because I drank my coffee so strong
“it would raise a blood blister on a boot”
I once fought this guy
who was “fatter than a boarding house cat”
he was so big that, “he looked like he ate his brother,”
and “his pants could serve time as a pup tent.”
He “had more guts than you could hang on a fence,”
and looked like he could “lick his weight in wildcats.”
But now at eighty times have changed.
I’ve become “so confused I can’t tell
if I’ve lost my mule or found a rope”
I’m “as confused as a goat on AstroTurf”
“my elevator doesn’t go all the way to the top”
and some days “I feel like the lights are on but nobody is home”
Some days are more difficult “than putting socks on a rooster”
so “it’s about time to put the chairs in the wagon,”
“put out the fire and call in the dogs.”
But after spinning this yarn I’ll confess,
“I’m all hat and no cattle”
If you knew me “you’d stick to me like sticker burs to bare feet”
see you next time, “Lord willing and the creek don’t rise”.
Tom
Copyright © Tom Wright | Year Posted 2019
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