Today

So it begins anew a day to dread, a day to wake up to I'd say all I want to do is sleep, if sleep didn't terrify me so I stay up till I faint an opaque way to a colorless scenario but bleak is who I am so allow me to shed my false snake skin and uncover the real reason I brought you here... Breathe in...breathe out... Erase me... 'Have you ever felt yourself as useless? ' Did I use that line already? Well here let me use another 'Let me rip your heart apart at the seams maybe then you'll know how I feel' No forget it, words of my own I'm a mess, a disaster, a liar I told myself I'd be okay; ride it out, this pain this ever growing loneliness upon my back that I'd shake this, this numbness, this lack of touch Dear God, this isn't enough! ! ! ! SAVE ME PLEASE! ! ! ! THIS BOY TURNED MAN who doesn't want to be saved...nor burn...nor die... but what a mess I am, how suicidal I am I grab my neck just a little too tight, my hands the noose and I twist! Only enough to pop it though I know if I got a grip, severed my arms at the fingertips turned my hands into robots I could break, snap, release but I'm just aim, snap, falling into a deeper hole In denial I am and I know it the sadness, I say it like it's a disease, like it's a plague but it's neither, it's nothing nothing, only a monstrous cloud hanging over my head Less than Jake, you lied to me you repeat the storm would only last three years it's been eight for me now and I try, I've been trying for so long too long to put it all behind me to rise from my decaying ashes at point of impact to be the kid before the man But I just stepped back to 16 But I just stepped back to 20 But I just stepped back into obscurity Lucky me, lucky me what am I saying, luck is not with me Luck is not on my side Luck...luck, what are you doing to me Luck, you brought me someone Luck, you gave me someone Mother Aphrodite, why me, your only son did you give me someone I don't know how to help did you give me someone I can't save throw my hands in the air, a white flag to you Why, my mother and father, would you give me a world so familiar a world like mine to marvel and adore a world like mine I'd quickly cut out my heart and absorb hers for warmth a world I can't touch because the edges are so rough How can I help myself when I'm in love with this woman like me but this woman is just as lonely as me How can I, misery, aid in the recovery of joyfulness when joyfulness is now sadness and I, the optimist No, no....no, no, no, no, no I'm the pessimist, she the optimist I'm the gloomy goth reject, she the upbeat prom queen That's how this is supposed to be, isn't it? or is it that I'm just selfish, self centered a reject in my own eyes when in her eyes I'm the prince stuck in that tower and she the royal knight risking her neck to save me but she, she's stuck in a tower of her own 20 leagues under the sea near the west coast and all I want to do is meet her halfway all I want to do is curl up in a ball say erase me and let that be the end raise hell and say the end but hell has no room for me, in heaven there's no vacancy a boy of Earth I remain but I'd rather suffocate on Mars and see what it's like to bleed in space Just, just erase this; erase this part of me I used to be her, envious I am she used to be me, envious she's not We used to be...happy... Now we separate alignments with one goal in mind to climb out our towers, rescue no one Just please find me just please find a way to reach this stone of a heart Love me, fix me, piece me together a beautiful humpty dumpty like caricature But maybe this is enough maybe for now this is enough...