To Write Love
They Talk about Drugs, alcohol & sex, but this is an issue the media don't speak on
Maybe they don't care, or maybe they don't understand where we bleed from
Some people label you an attention seeker even though you hide the scarring
I feel the need to talk about the taboo subjects of suicide and self-harming
Sometimes I feel scared to share my story
Because they'll accuse me of glamorizing Self-harm even though I tone it down when it starts to get gory
Age 15 My dad just died, I was being bullied and was alone in Foster care, I was in the worst mind
Before I knew I could make words rhyme, I picked up a blade for the first time
Next thing I knew, my arm was cut and I was leaking blood
I patched it up myself, put on a smile even though I was a 15 year old in need of love
It took away my pain so this became a part of my daily routine
My nightmares were about to get a lot of Crazy new scenes
It wasn't about suicide at this time, just a way to survive
Long sleeves jumpers and Fake smiles, so every day I lied
I managed to keep it a secret from Care staff for almost 2 years
But one day I messed up, and rolled my sleeve up during a game of football, so now I had to face my worst fears
Judgement from everyone followed by Question after question
I couldn't Tell them I was made to feel worthless by Depression
Or that I felt no one would ever like me because since age 3 I'd been in foster care
They assumed it was because my dad died, but honestly even when he was alive he was never there
At this time I didn't know I was Bipolar, but knew my thinking wasn't logical
A few months later, I overdosed on pills and woke up in hospital
Doctors and nurses saying I might be sectioned cause of the suicide attempt and scars on my arm
I got defensive and said "maybe if my parents loved me, I wouldn't self-harm"
I wanted to fly, but my wings were too heavy
I wanted to stop but I just wasn't ready
But at 20 I put the blade down and haven't picked it up since
5 years clean from self-harm and I'm amazed at my strength
We're all going through our own storm and fighting our own battles
So don't judge anyone you meet on your travels
Offer help, support and guidance when you can
Instead of pushing people down, help them to stand
If you know someone going through this, then please don't judge
We're beautiful just like you, and just need help out of the mud
A lot of people will value it, if you just give them a hug
stop judging what you don't understand, and learn to write love
Copyright © Alex Duffy | Year Posted 2017
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