Amanda Smith | + Follow Poet |
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To the End and Back Again

No one really knows why I am the way I am. To know me, you'll have to go back in time. 
You'll have to go back 7 years ago when I was 10 years old and find out that my life was far 
from normal. Do you want to know why I am so truly messed up? If so, keep reading. If not, 
you are on the wrong page.

I was 10 years old when I met a girl named Jania. I didn't know how much she would mean 
to me when I met her. Since I was 10, she was the only one who was ever truly there for 
me. I went to my towns BBQ with her and bumped into one of her friends. His name was 
Connor and he did NOT look like one of the guys that lived in my town. He was dressed in all 
black with his lack hair draped over his dark eyes. We started talking and realized that we 
had more in common then we had originally thought. He invited us over to hang out with his 
other friends, that's where I met his sister, Jessica. She was perfect and we soon started 
dating. She was everything I ever wanted and she stole my heart. She was my world and 
she showed me things that I never thought would be possible. I was amazed at how fast I fell 
in love with her. 

Jessica and Connor moved into an apartment in the city together after their mother got re-
married for the fourth time. It was her mother's phone call that pushed Jessica over the 
edge. No one knows exactly what was said, but they know it was about her being with me. 
Jessica stormed out of her apartment and started to walk to my house to come see me. She 
was hit by a drunk driver and died on the sidewalk in her brother's arms at 14 years old. 

I didn't know what happened when Connor showed up at my house at 2:00 am. With his 
head hanging lower then I've ever seen it, Connor pressed a small gold necklace in the palm 
of my hand, Jessica's.

I had never seen Connor cry before that night when we melted into each others arms, but 
the whole time it was happening, all I could think about was Jessica. I can still feel her 
holding me. I can see her smile and her bright eyes. I can smell her perfume and I can still 
taste her lips on mine.

I was the only person that Connor would talk to. I knew that Connor would never be the 
same. I didn't hear from Connor for a while. I went to his apartment to check up on him and 
found him hanging from the staircase. I called the police and told them that 2 suicides had 
been committed. I was going to be the second one. 

CONTINUED IN PART 2

Copyright © Amanda Smith | Year Posted 2010

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