To Chew Broken Glass
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I can't make you understand how I feel,
And I've spent a lifetime trying to explain it.
Chances are YOU'LL never experience it,
As you are in the latest years of your life ...
There's no way to induce these damn things,
And I wouldn't DO that to you if I could,
Though sometimes I find myself wishing it.
We are at an impasse, and far beyond
A point of no return ... for either of us, eh?
I guess you'll just go on not understanding,
And I'll go on having to add your anger and
Resentment and lack of understanding,
To the pile of other crap that comes with it ...
Acute pain, nausea, vomiting, dry-heaves,
(When the stomach is finally emptied),
One-sided paralysis, and endless, lonely
Hours in the dark and silence, (at least
You PRAY for silence, even tho' you
Rarely get it, cuz any noise makes all
Of the other symptoms more intense) ...
Oh, and GUILT, that's the best one of all,
Laying there with a facecloth over your
Eyes, and plugs in your ears, (when you
Can stand them), and a bucket beside
You, praying as each second goes by
That you won't vomit again, cuz the
Strain of heaving makes the pain worse,
And the pain makes the nausea worse,
The nausea makes the vomiting worse,
And it all just snowballs like that for
What seems like forever, and the whole
Time you feel the guilt building of all the
Things you should be doing, and the
Resentment that you know is coming
Your way cuz you're NOT getting any
Of those things done, and the arguing
And explaining and excuse-making you'll
Have to do as soon as it's all over, and the
Post-migraine cramps and dysphoria and
Empty stomach weakness and full day
Of feeling like an over-used sewage filter.
On top of all that wonderful stuff is the
Comments from people who don't have a
Clue like "Oh, it's just a headache!" or
"I get migraines all the time and have to
WORK with them!", when YOU know, in
Full truth, that if they were ACTUALLY
Having real, full-blown, hemiplegic migraines,
They wouldn't be ABLE to walk, talk, see,
Or function, let alone "work all day", and
You know no matter how much you explain,
THOSE people will just go on thinking that
You're a whiney wuss, and that your time
Spent laying in the darkened silence for
Hours-on-end, is just your way of taking
Some kind of fake, sick, twisted vacation,
AND they'll go on thinking that their little
Un-diagnosed, moderate tension headache
Is really a migraine, and that you can't be
Taken seriously because you're full of ****.
And, even though I've said ALL of this to
YOU on more occasions than I can count,
You STILL are not one BIT closer to under-
Standing than you ever were, and there's
No way you ever WILL be if you aren't
By NOW. So ... it will all continue, and
I'll keep getting them, and you'll keep
Resenting me and thinking I'm - I don't
Even KNOW what? A fake? A lazy-ass?
A hypochondriac? A guy who loves to
Lay in the dark for hours with a facecloth
Over my eyes and not moving except to
Puke? And to top it all off, you'll tell
EVERYone, when they ask where I am,
That I'm SLEEPING! And all those times
That I have these glorious freaking night-
Mare hemiplegic migraines, you're telling
People, people I care about and look up
To, people I want to think better of me
Than they DO, people that I respect and
Love and admire, that I "sleep all day long" ...
That's the real cherry on top, I'll tell you!
Not only do YOU not understand or TRY
To understand, not only do YOU resent
Me for these goddam things, but you make
Sure that everyone ELSE resents me and
Thinks I'm a lazy-ass, faking, lying, cheating,
Piece-of-crap, waste-of-time human being.
And I just, for once, wanted to say, from
The bottom of my "just a headache" heart ...
THANK YOU for that.
Copyright © Gregory Richard Barden | Year Posted 2017
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