To Breathe Again
sometimes I feel like I've forgotten how to breathe. like the air cycling through my body suddenly stands still. a dark fog protrudes from beneath the surface of my soul, slowly extending its tendrils to spread its influence to each crevice of my body. it seeks entry in a point of weakness, taking hold and not letting go. it starts at my chest, slithering through my heart and then moving down towards my stomach, weaving its sludge between my intestines. then it goes towards my lungs, wrapping around them and squeezing; the air capacity stands still but it feels like its sinking. the void continues, swallowing my control in its path. it wraps its arms around my throat while penetrating my esophagus, wriggling into my brain. the pain is indescribable, but no one sees it. this foggy, slimy, black hole consuming me from the inside. my thoughts become jumbled, a panicked tv static holding words that I cant make out. I scream out in agony, terrified and confused. I cant understand anything. im being suffocated and invaded as the void consumes each part of my mind, my safe place, one by one. I know no words, no future, no life, just pain.
sometimes I feel like the ability to breathe has been stolen from me, like death is the only way to regain control of any aspect of myself. the only way to stop the pain.
sometimes I just need to remember how to breathe again.
i open my chest and remind myself to breathe again
to breathe when there is no air
to breathe when i feel i am no longer able
i turn my pain to strength and push it through my lungs
i breathe so hard i kill myself
to breathe again
Copyright © Beck Mensoff | Year Posted 2023
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