To Be

To be I’m so unsure my name should be ambiguous I reach for things I can’t see with my oculus I try to grow into who I am Or who I was? Or who I’m supposed to be? I’m not sure if I’m being who I am or growing into who I want to be I see my aspirations sitting on distant islands waving for my arrival But I’m too busy worrying about day to day survival Stress causes me to devalue life Family, love and friendship makes me feel guilty to questioning my term I’m looking for the lesson in this but it seems like I can’t learn Am I incapable of making my desires tangible? Or are my desires not mine to have? Will I be stuck in constant reaching with nothing to grab? Will I drown under the heavy load of malnourished potential? Or allow suicidal thoughts to deteriorate my mental? How can I fight an enemy that lives inside of me? How can I beat my foe when my foe is me? I am the brick layer to the stone wall that keeps me from my success I am the hindrance to my own ascension Who can save my life from self sabotage? Who can clear out my mind that’s filled like a hoarded garage? Thoughts lay unevenly on top of each other Just barely staying above the floor Hiding painful emotions till I feel them no more Only keeping them in the dark so they fester and grow Into nightmares that cause my self worth to plummet Every time I could’ve won I fumbled it