To - My Future Husband
Love has many faces; takes many wildly varied forms
A shape-shifter of the heart she leads us a merry dance,
Giggling girlishly from behind a golden mask...
One moment she is a capricious imp,
Pinching the end of your nose and making your heart flutter
The next moment she is a kindly old woman,
Offering you a fresh baked cookie with a tender smile
And dropping a gentle pat on the top of your head
But then, perhaps on pre-menstrual days, comes Medusa
All spitting snakes and flaming eyes,
Casting your heart into a fiery chasm of beautiful despair...
A brief and muted hell where you hang suspended,
Gossamer manacles wound tight about wrists and ankles
Tormented by the hissing demons of jealousy and doubt –
It is in this brimstone bear den that I find myself now,
Beads of sweat dribbling down the nubs of my aching spine –
Discontent warring with wistful desire in the cerulean wells of my eyes
And all because of you...
Avenging angel you are my dear, paragon of beauty and light,
With your innocent smile and unblemished soul –
How you put my corrupted heart to shame...
How you make me cringe, and doubt the worth of my affection
You know, it is your love that has sent me here to this place of heated torment
Your love and the fear and doubt that it stirs inside my shameful soul
You see, I am starting to love you so much – too much
The power and force of it terrifies me, as it drowns me in silken waves
It puts me in such a vulnerable position, digs me a deep dark hole,
A grave in which I will lay down to die if my faith should prove unfounded
If the sneering demons of my jealousy speak the wicked truth;
That you will one day see sense, and reject me with a sorry smile,
Realising that I am sunk too low for your lofty heart to ever reach...
That the tarnish on my soul is just too black to be wiped away
And that you are better off without me, on your unsullied perch,
So far away and close to the sky where your fellow angels live –
Bathing you in divine love and light
The kind I could never give
Copyright © Amy Van De Casteele | Year Posted 2009
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