Clear Raspberry Poet I do not know?

Tired

Nobody knows.
It has come back to haunt me. 
It will not go away. 
It has been almost 3 years now since it has returned.
I am worse than ever. I am so tired. I am just. so. tired. 
I am tired of hiding. I am tired of hiding behind my fake happy smile. 
My smile is getting tired. 
How can I fake this forever? 
One of these days I don’t think it will be there anymore, it will change, and it will be gone. 
But until then, I will tell myself, you can be strong, fake it, fake it…..fake it. 
No one knows that I yell and scream at times, nightmares appear, I zone out and remember old and new, I hide away, I hurt in many ways, I avoid, I reminisce in my mind and don’t like it, memories are sporadic and sometimes flood in, I really want to be happy but what others do not know, I am not.
I want to be normal again.
Normal. 
Working on this will take a long time, so I am told….
…but, I am just….so….tired.

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Poet Destroyer A July 19, 2015 at 9:13 PM CLEAR, A nice warm WELCOME to poetry soup. I hope you have fun with this wonderful community. You'll find many friendly poets who are ready to support and give positive feedback. I will enjoy following you and your poetry when you are ready :) We are Lucky To Have you. Enjoy Poetry Soup:) Your New Poet Friend @-> LINDA <-@

Skat A July 19, 2015 at 2:02 PM Stephanie, a sweet Welcome to Poetry Soup. It will be a delight to read and become familiar with your poems in the future. As for now, I will greet you with the same smile others passed when I first joined the soup. Wishing you and your poetry the best. I hope you get to meet all the nice poets around here STARTING with me- SKAT :-) Please drop a hello and tell me a little about yourself if you wish. I would like to be your newest poetry soup "FRIEND" Hugs* SKAT""

Anne-Lise Andresen July 18, 2015 at 5:47 AM - With smiles and joy I welcome you to P-Soup, Stephanie :) - Hope you will find this poem page interesting and post many more poems in the future - Have a great experience together here with us in "the poems world" - I wish you every success - // Anne-Lise :)

Pam Deremer July 16, 2015 at 6:03 PM I liked your poem. There is a lot of sadness between the lines. What ever is going on with you, I hope you find peace.