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Timeless

Softly beckoning chirps decorate the air
While love birds spin in romantic dizzies
Careless directions, being lost without a care 
All maps lead to the heart of the matter

Wakening streams cry over a beauteous spring
Water itself contributes for the love of flowers  
With boldness and buoyancy each petal sings
Lighthearted laughter for an allergenic sneeze 
  
  The paradisal green hills hold a floral formation
A sign of dynamic beginnings sprouting forth 
Wandering peaceful trails where women get warm sensations  
 She reads the message while he gets on bended knee

 
Jovial and gallant he carries his princess down the living hills,
To the birds of before who hark, themselves, for a second
then bursting into chorus with voices bigger than their fill 
A miracle of function since their hearts have been swept away    

2/21/13

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Mahtab Bangalee

Date: 3/25/2019 3:41:00 AM

timeless formation to reformation...evolution through revolution....!/// lovely poem penned

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 8/11/2013 3:30:00 AM

pls check out this site http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/poetic-asides/poetic-forms/types-of-poetry-forms-quatern .... thank you for passing by my other poem-- that did have some subtle metaphors in there and thank you for your suggestions, I will keep that in mind and hopefully I can write a different version of that someday. I hope I was able to be of some help to you here-- beautiful story penned, Karl!

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 8/11/2013 3:27:00 AM

I felt that some lines were too long as opposed to the other stanzas, somehow disrupting the flow of the poem-- maybe a more consistent syllable pattern (since you have a but of rhyme here) can help encourage this flow? Also, this might not be much to some, but for me, the capitalization for each line somehow contributes to me stopping for each line, since it signals for me a line break-- maybe some punctuation can help? As for quatern form, maybe this can fall under a diff poetry form instead?

Kabuteng P.Ink K.
Date: 8/11/2013 3:28:00 AM

oops up there I meant "bit of rhyme" --typo there sorry

Kabuteng P.Ink K.

Date: 8/11/2013 3:22:00 AM

Hi Karl! Sorry it took me some time to get back to you-- I honestly did not know what a quatern was, so I looked it up (more on the later)-- the sugar first-- I enjoyed the images you put in here, how the scene unfolded for these lovers very sweet and romantic. Without knowing what a quatern was,& am no expert in rhyme or meter though- I tried reading this aloud and for me (hope you don't mind that I did), for me it lacked more flow into it, ie (for me only ok?) cont'd