Time To Go

Everything seems better when I am in my own world Everything is better when there is no one there Once when I had someone When I felt friendlier When all I wanted to do was be with someone I never thought I could think of you leaving But now you are gone I would never allow anybody fill a space within me I don’t want to feel the pain again That pain of losing you I don’t want that for myself So now I locked up myself in my own world I need no one else in my life No more pain to put up with The bleaker the better Because right now I feel nothing but numbness And that’s how I want it to be. No more pain Just a bleak world It seems now that life is okay if it’s just me The bleaker the better And life feels safer when I am just here thinking All the suicidal thoughts going through my mind And all the pictures of you gone away Nothing for me to go back on you Nothing for you to bring me to sadness That was the worst emotion I ever experience Life has never been better after you left my life After you left me alone, shabby and left to be trashed around All the apologies I received wasn't for me but for you It wasn't something that I could do without you Everything that goes wrong in my life was addressed to your death The silence brought me out of your world Your lively world that always brought a smile to my face But now all I want to do was escape that world The people in that world of yours look at me sickly I need no comfort I just want everything to go back to normal Left me to cry It reminded me of the times you wiped my cheeks Telling me you hated seeing me crying Hated looking at me sad But you were not there to wipe my tears So I bawled my eyes out Until I felt nothing That’s all I felt And I wanted to feel no other pain I would usually pick up an object Imagining the time you died The way you did kill yourself I wanted to do just the same All those stupid therapy I was being pushed into Only leading me on the more I wanted nothing more than to curl my fingers around those ropes Around those ropes that I planned on staining with my blood Or that knife that just lay on my bedside table Or the needle that was continuously used to draw blood from me That needle always being in my and as I went on with my work The piercing sting only pulling me out of my thoughts on you Or the tablets that lay on my bathroom shelf That I could take all in a doze Or the firearm that always stayed in the room not far away Or the busy street that bled with the honking horns Just a step in the middle when the green comes on I just thought of all ways I have always wanted to be next to you Just watch you and recall the time I suffered without you Those times that are still going on now But then you always evaded my sleepless mind Tough sleeping pills were prescribed to me Those drugs I dreaded taking with my nurse beside me Why doesn’t anyone trust that we are different? Even though one way or another that we are going to end up at the same place Right now strategies where engineering itself in my head Ways of escaping my new prison Not my world but my new prison I needed a friend that would understand And you were the only friend that understood me The only friend that would have never let me down But now I am here letting out my stored sorrow Only getting out of my thoughts by the draw of my own blood If only I was that friend you needed That friend that you would have kept you from such act that went on in your life The act I know no reason that lead to I wanted it from just your lips Your problems then I would have comforted you I would have protected you the way you protected me But now I don’t have someone like you Or to say I need no one like you to occupy that space again I didn’t need any more pain Now there was no you I see your pain I wasn’t like you I wasn’t as comforting I didn’t put anyone forward And now that I can’t live without you I won’t live without you And I will bring the knife to my wrist And slash till I feel the world going on again Goodbye until we see ourselves again Just in a little while Bye for now though.