Time After Time
Yet again, as soon I conquer my mind
The minute I do, new problems do I find
If just for a day that my mind can be at ease
If just for a moment my thoughts I can appease
If just for an hour that I’m not at war with my flesh
If just for a second I won’t believe I’m a disgusting mess
The temptation is there, the desire so strong
Yet I know if I give in, my actions will be wrong
But what else can I do to take the thoughts away
What else can I do when my mind starts to stray
To all of the things people have spoken in the past
What else can I do so those memories don’t last
What else can I do to stop myself from feeling the anxiety
When in all possibilities the damage is caused only by me
I need to be loved and I really need to feel I belong
But in achieving this I feel again my actions are wrong
It’s a bit of a blur, a bit like the art of Spirograph
The way my mind works, sometimes I can but laugh
Not because it’s funny, but if I don’t then I fear that I’ll cry
And I don’t think I would have an explanation if you were to ask me why
‘Why are tears flowing, why do you think what you do
How many more times do I have to say yes I love you
And that no you have not hurt me, neither am I mad
And please stop condemning yourself in thinking you are bad’
So for now I find that I’m still in my turmoil
But the plans of the enemy I know I will spoil
Copyright © Michelle Bailey | Year Posted 2014
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