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Poem

Yet again, as soon I conquer my mind

The minute I do, new problems do I find

If just for a day that my mind can be at ease

If just for a moment my thoughts I can appease

If just for an hour that I’m not at war with my flesh

If just for a second I won’t believe I’m a disgusting mess

The temptation is there, the desire so strong

Yet I know if I give in, my actions will be wrong

But what else can I do to take the thoughts away

What else can I do when my mind starts to stray

To all of the things people have spoken in the past

What else can I do so those memories don’t last

What else can  I do to stop myself from feeling the anxiety

When in all possibilities the damage is caused  only by me

I need to be loved and I really need to feel I belong

But in achieving this I feel again my actions are wrong

It’s a bit of a blur, a bit like the art of Spirograph

The way my mind works, sometimes I can but laugh

Not because it’s funny, but if I don’t then I fear that I’ll cry

And I don’t think I would have an explanation if you were to ask me why

‘Why are tears flowing, why do you think what you do

How many more times do I have to say yes I love you

And that no you have not hurt me, neither am I mad

And please stop condemning yourself in thinking you are bad’

So for now I find that I’m still in my turmoil

But the plans of the enemy I know I will spoil

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