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Throwing the Light on Birth

I was out of work in thirty-three and forced to take the road, not really looking forward toward the tramping swaggy code, and as luck had it, just by chance, I no longer had to hike, ‘cause parked outside a doctor’s house - was my brand new bike. I was far better off now I had got this travelling mode. I could quickly visit stations pedalling down the road. But begging at the doors and getting damper and some tea, after slaving in the hot sun was not the life for me. I started learning little tricks from others on the track, to look for ‘swaggy’ signs that meant - ‘this mob’ll break your back’, or piles of stones just near the gate; a welcome sign to read, knowing that a ‘sundowner’ can drop in for a welcome feed. And so I sat beside a billabong waiting for the sun to set, as I had targeted a homestead for my appetite to whet. I jumped upon my bike and started pedalling to the door, where I heard this frantic calling and wondered what’s in store. This bloke was running ‘round in circles, and he’s trying to say, that his missus is in labour and their baby’s on its way. He tried to get the doctor, but the doctor’s gone on strike. He’s helping p’lice inquiries ‘cause some mongrel stole his bike. “Oh mate” he says, “Oh mate please help, I’m in an awful plight.” “It may help a bit” I’m saying back “If you turn on the light.” “I know, I know” he grabs his hair, “I know what you bloody mean, but I can’t light the lantern ‘cause I’ve got no kerosene.” So in the dark we stood there with birth provoked distractions. Blood curdling screams destroyed the quiet with ever-close contractions, so we sat the bike upon some blocks, then set the dynamo. At least there’ll be a form of light even if it’s burning low. I went to throw my leg across the cross bar and the seat, “Hang on!” this fella’ said to me, and near knocked me off my feet. “I can’t deliver my own baby, for that you need a bit of skill. Let me do the pedalling” - and suddenly I’m feeling ill. But there’s no time for arguments; I made sure his wife was right. I had him pedalling like fury just to give a brighter light, then a lump came to my throat - appearing was a head. Then sort of out of nowhere - ‘A baby lay upon the bed.’ He started slowing down and so the light began to die. ‘Hang on’ I said keep pedalling; he did and asked me why. “I don’t think we’re finished here” - his missus gave another groan, nd suddenly the first baby ain’t laying there alone. “Twins!” He shouted, “Bloody twins - I’m the father of a pair.” “Keep pedalling” I’m screaming out “I think there’s more in there.” “There’s more!” He bellowed “Bloody more!” Then the room went black, “Get on the bike” I said. “We need some light”, but he would not go back. “What’s wrong with you?” I shouted easing out another head, “Keep pedalling so I can see what’s going on” I said. “I know what’s going on” he whined as I delivered one more ‘gem.’ “They’re sneaking in from outside ‘cause the lights attracting them.”

Copyright © | Year Posted 2018




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Date: 12/26/2018 9:25:00 PM
Hi Lindsay, omg. I loved this, so Aussie, as Harry said it should go down in Aussie Folklore, it is brilliant says one Aussie to another, take care...…..Vera
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/31/2018 9:24:00 PM
Hello Vera … I believe you are right. I can't think of another place on earth that would any sense in our thinking at times. It can be so outlandish, shows ignorance, but bloody humorous - thanks again Vera - Lindsay
Date: 12/6/2018 3:35:00 PM
Should go into the annuls of Aussie folklore, One hell of a story, Lindsay. Amazing stuff, love it...
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 6:04:00 PM
Hello there Harry … thanks for your positive comment Harry. Births and men often travel down different paths, so when they collide there is confusion - thanks Harry - Lindsay
Date: 12/5/2018 7:22:00 PM
This Lindsay, has givin' me a couple of contractions of my own. Ha!
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 6:01:00 PM
G'day Jerry … I really hope they were false alarms Jerry. Thanks again Mate - Lindsay
Date: 12/5/2018 6:27:00 AM
Wow! epic funny Lindsay...love & light...^WW^
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:57:00 PM
G'day Winged Warrior … thanks for dropping by and putting up a comment. I'm pleased you got something from my sense of humour - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 7:37:00 PM
Your brilliant poem is fun and fantastic, Lindsay. Your wit is captivating. Warmest wishes always.. ~Susan
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:55:00 PM
Hello Susan … I'm pleased you enjoyed another one of my acts of silliness, but it's a situation that I guess could happen with some of us blokes - thanks Susan - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 7:07:00 PM
Love it! Funny. That's what you get for stealing that bike.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:52:00 PM
Hello Timothy … correct. A case of crime doesn't pay - thanks Timothy - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 7:05:00 PM
Well done, indeed! Aloha! Rico
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:50:00 PM
Hey Rico … be careful riding someone elses bike around at night. You never what surprise you might encounter - thanks Rico - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 5:58:00 PM
You did it again, mate! Another hilarious write from your very witty quill. Your writes always brighten my day - keep crankin' 'em out! - Bob
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:46:00 PM
G'day Bob … I do hope they give you a bit of a chuckle Bob, and of course you know I get enjoyment dropping by on your patch too - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 5:31:00 PM
absolutely hilarious Lindsay you had me enthralled from start to finish:-) hugs jan xx
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:43:00 PM
Hello Jan … now you know why babies appear out of nowhere - thank you Jan - Lindsay
Date: 12/3/2018 4:24:00 PM
Haha your funny poems are brilliant Lindsay. Great write. Tom.
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Lindsay Laurie
Date: 12/8/2018 5:41:00 PM
And all true Tom - thanks once again Tom for stopping by - Lindsay