Through Their Eyes

Thoughts how they fade into nothingness of regret. I am lost once again. The pain of yesterday has not forgiven my offences and I am not worthy of a life anymore. “Please pardon me Lord for what I am about to do…” I’ve traded happiness for addiction as I wandered the streets alone at night, searching for a way to ease my troubled past. Flashbacks of my childhood haunt my innocent soul, remembering the way I was touched inappropriately so many times by a trusted friend. Abuse as a young adult broke my encouragement to grow up worthy of love. I’ve traded laughter for hatred of myself and when I look in the mirror I feel nothing but darkness. The oblivion I sink into will never cease to exist. I am here. But I wish not to be. So many good times erased by moments of wrong actions on my part. I see nothing but black in my soul as I reach for one more drink. I’ve traded tomorrow for instant relief and I guess I always knew it would come to this. After years of struggling to stay alive I have found a choice inside that relieves my anguish. My essence has been clouded by mental illness beyond my control. Life is short, they say, and yes it will be for me. All I thirsted for was one more long hug. I've traded my eyes to see nothing except remorseful sorrow bleeding into my veins. I lay and crave forgiveness for what I am about to do to my family. I have taken the steps towards death and today will be my last. I have been lost for a long time now, and there is no saving a ship in a monsoon. Overboard, I fall and I take a few minutes to think about how it will be to be at peace…finally. I've traded my reasons to stay as I run and hide from the world. I am alone where no one can find me to save me once again. The only way out is to take my own life. I write my goodbye letter and take my last drink with too many pills. As I fade into unconsciousness, I remember a few bad times, but mostly good. I feel numb, yet alive for the first time in my life. My reasons are many...too many to count. alone…I felt lost…I was… tranquil…I am now… I've traded my life for my death. Yes, I have murdered myself out of torment, but now I fly freely in peace… Through Their Eyes Poetry Contest Sponsor: Shadow Hamilton I feel this is a true story about why my sister took her own life and how she did it. It was very hard for me to write this, but it gave me insight into her reasons for her final choices. Suicide is the murder of oneself. It is an intentional act to end a life. Murder seems to be such a harsh word, but she did commit it. Date Written: July 31, 2016