Thoughts of Holidays

Why does my soul ache this time of year hoarfrost on brown grass/icy chill in the air feeling all should be calm yet filled with tumult. Why are ghosts of Christmas’ past still haunting when joy was always shattered by demon rum/angry words ripped a child’s flesh/soul unaware it would haunt for decades. Is it wrong to love And hate want/shun/pull/push? Great pains and sorrow masked in childhood joy/laughter. Leave me please leave the child who is within me … Let him grow to be a man without guilt and sorrow over nothing he could control nor want to. I cry out to my maker how good he is yet … how i still am pained by anger within; is it the demon or the man, is it self-pity or imagination … Fantasy or reality children play in the distance on loan just a while/no pain should touch them or entice them the world should be alive for them to explore with no bandits awaiting them as prey. Why is it so what is my role in this world/ guide messenger? In what sense do I … change them/ to what extent will i become a part of them do they want to caress or shun Emulate or emaciate oh hear my cry great father what is my place and where does it fit? Thy will be done …