This Was Me

it began so innocently we exchanged ideas on poetry his art, the suffering he endured he preyed upon my compassion as he meticulously bided his time... i felt safe as we expressed our mutual love of words i was excited, i was learning, unbeknowst to me, i was his prey.. many months and thousands of hours, talking, reaffirmed my trust; faith in him he shared his life, triumps & tragedies i supported all he desired for himself.. i understood, i felt his pain, his drive i admired, he overcame tremedous odds, became a doctor so others would not suffer as he had; he baited me; the innocent and naieve one. living life with no regret, i chose to take a leap of faith, he guided me, alleviated my fears, of promises to cherish and adore me.. as a tiger waits patiently to pounce on his prey i was oblivious to his hatred inside, he was a master of manipulation his mission - to destroy me.. i felt he was worth giving up all i knew to build a life he so lovingly described to me, little did i know, his words - poison.. america bound i left everything i knew; i loved. the terror of his drunken rages, his icy silence, the cruelty of his words stung like red hot coals. what he admired most about me,intensified his hatred. the vacancy in his eyes was terrifying, i was alone in a strange country, knowing no one, in a house, not a home, full of tension, rage, abuse; numb and in shock; this was my reality.. with each painstaking day of living in terror dreading his arrival, my fear reached new heights; i had enough; i was leaving. his rage increased, his words pure venom.. i was numb, shaking, fear drove me to action he became desperate, i did not sleep for fear of never waking, his actions so terrifying i felt a strength within, empowering me.. planning my escape, fear became my ally, i reached the airport and did not stop shaking until safely on the plane, doors shut, moving down the runway to take-off; i wept, i crumbled, i collapsed. jubilantly at home, i felt peace, safe, and soaked in the beauty of my freedom; my home. it has been six weeks; i have flashbacks, terror still haunts me; i am determined to not let another change me. i am healing and am grateful for every moment i smile, smell a flower, witness the marvel of each sunrise and sunset. i am a blessed girl. ~this was me~