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This Klutz For Hire

I’ve picked it up a hundred times
yet dropped it just once more
So I give up, the blasted thing
can lay there on the floor

And stepping out onto the porch
I hit the ice and slipped
As I walked back into the house
I stubbed my toe and tripped

While dancing round in pain
I then collided with a table
For when it comes to graceful moves
I’m really quite unstable

Perhaps there is a simple way
to turn this all around
My clumsiness could work for me
each time I hit the ground

I could be a klutz for hire
stumbling for cash
I’ll charge my clients by the slip
the flip, the flop, the bash

If you need something dropped and broken
clearly I’m your man
If anyone can smash your stuff
this klutz for hire can

Perhaps you have a wall or door
that needs a good hard thump
Just be aware my going rate
is seven bucks per lump

I could knock your sister down
or trip into your aunt
Or I can make a great big mess
and kick your potted plant

And if your pets are underfoot
and adding to the drama
I’ll have to charge you extra
if I suffer blunt force trauma

There’s nothing quite as comical
and what a sight to see
as goldfish bouncing on the floor
It is my specialty

And when I fall I scream out loud
to add to the effect
I’ll see you get your money’s worth
when your whole house is wrecked

So call my number any time
My estimates are free
It’s 1-800-S T U-
M B L and E


© Mike Wise
1/30/19

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




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Date: 2/15/2019 1:20:00 PM
Your poetry is so whimsical and delightful! Another fave one I love. Have a great weekend Michael, Susan
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michael wise
Date: 2/15/2019 2:01:00 PM
Many thanks Susan! Great weekend to you too! :)
Date: 2/5/2019 8:45:00 PM
I don't log in to PS too often these days, but how could I resist this poem that made me laugh out loud. Congratulations on POTD, so deserves it . PS....Have you got any vacancies in your company? My husband would make an excellent employee...:)
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michael wise
Date: 2/5/2019 9:49:00 PM
I am honored that you'd make this special journey to read my poem! ;) Thank u! Yes, there is plenty of room in the company! I will check out Feverish Fear per your recommendation. Thank u again, Maria! :)
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Maria Williams
Date: 2/5/2019 8:51:00 PM
I collaborated with an excellent poet on this site called Victor Buhagiar. The poem is called Feverish Fear which got Poem of the Week this past Sunday, if you care to look Michael. Its on Victors page....Maria
Date: 2/2/2019 7:14:00 AM
Oh I know a few people like this..made me smile.. Great choice for POTD.. Congrats
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michael wise
Date: 2/2/2019 7:40:00 AM
Many thanks to you Silent One! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 11:05:00 PM
:) If you were hoping that I would giggle this evening, then you have succeeded. I love everything about this cute creation that you have so cleverly created. Truth: Many make a living being a Klutz. :) Congratulations Michael, on Poem of the Day. ~ Brandy
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michael wise
Date: 2/2/2019 6:01:00 AM
Very glad to have helped you to giggle! Thank u so much Brandy! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 2:15:00 PM
You have raised klutziness to a new level. Congratulations on POTD!
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 2:21:00 PM
LOL Thank U! :D
Date: 2/1/2019 1:42:00 PM
Good poem, good imagery, Michael well-done.
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 2:20:00 PM
Thank u my friend! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 12:31:00 PM
This was so much fun Mike, Congrats on your POTD!!
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 2:20:00 PM
Many thanks Mike! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 11:45:00 AM
"Seven bucks per lump"..LoL..Congrats on POTD..
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 11:48:00 AM
LOL Thank u Joseph! :D
Date: 2/1/2019 10:47:00 AM
LOL! Such a funny poem. Well deserved POTD, Mike
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 11:07:00 AM
Thank u Warren! Glad u liked it! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 10:10:00 AM
Hi Mike, loved the fun in this wonderful write. Dropping by with my congratulations on your well-deserved Poem Of The Day honour with this excellent write....Mike.
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 11:07:00 AM
Many thanks to you, Vladislav! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 9:23:00 AM
Enjoyed the read..congrats on POTD, Mike.
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 9:30:00 AM
Thank u Vijay! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 8:22:00 AM
Here a klutz...there a klutz...everywhere a klutz klutz...welcome to the real world...and Congrats!!! on POTD!! Mike...The Klutz Klub!... I like the name of that...I get 50% lol...^WW^
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:30:00 AM
You'll get 50% ONLY if you can keep from dropping it! LOL Thanks, WW! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 7:24:00 AM
Back with POTD congratulations:)
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:30:00 AM
Thank u PS! What a surprise! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 6:12:00 AM
to funny Michael, you may want to stop drinking, lol great job. Congratulations on POTD
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:31:00 AM
Oh how I WISH I could blame alcohol, but no, it's all just little old CLUMSY sober me! :) Thanks Bobby!
Date: 2/1/2019 6:12:00 AM
Nice one Michael, whimsical an fun to read. Congratulations on POTD. Charlie
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:31:00 AM
Thank u Charlie! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 4:52:00 AM
Michael, I enjoyed the chuckle this morning. Congrats on POTD. John
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:32:00 AM
Thank U John! Glad u enjoyed it! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 4:45:00 AM
- Fun to read ... but, not for the person concerned :) - Congratulations on your p.o.t.d. :) - // Anne-Lise :)
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:33:00 AM
It WAS fun to write though! And all these things (with the exception of the goldfish part) happened this past week! Thank u Sunshine! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 4:22:00 AM
Very creative...well done...Congratulations Mike...
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:33:00 AM
Thank u Arturo! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 4:18:00 AM
You have described me, ha ha, congratulations on POTD!
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:34:00 AM
Welcome to the club Tania! Thank u! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 3:46:00 AM
out of your pain comes gain, many congrats on POTD:-) hugs Jan xx
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:35:00 AM
I try to turn negatives into positives. Doesn't always work, but I guess this time it was a success! Thank u Jan! :)
Date: 2/1/2019 2:08:00 AM
Haha,enjoyed your verse Michael, congratulations on POTD. Tom.
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michael wise
Date: 2/1/2019 8:35:00 AM
Many thanks Tom! :)
Date: 1/31/2019 11:27:00 AM
That was simply wonderful! So playful and fun. Good one Michael! One of my favorites. Susan
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michael wise
Date: 1/31/2019 12:02:00 PM
Thanks Susan! I go from dark to light rather frequently! :)
Date: 1/31/2019 10:33:00 AM
Cute one. You might just make it entertaining at parties. Sara
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michael wise
Date: 1/31/2019 11:03:00 AM
LOL You might be right! Thanks Sara! :)
Date: 1/31/2019 12:40:00 AM
Dude! You brought it! Love this! If you want to franchise this thing I’m in. This is my calling! I tripped over the open dishwasher door... managed not to break a bone nor dish but oh my it hurt!
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Nina Parmenter
Date: 2/1/2019 4:31:00 AM
Oh man, I have had so many bruises and dead legs from doing that!! Can I join?
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michael wise
Date: 1/31/2019 6:12:00 AM
Welcome to the club PS! The Klutz Club! LOL Thank u! :)
Date: 1/30/2019 6:12:00 PM
A klutz for hire - love this idea! I have several people who would probably be willing to pay for lessons if you feel ready to train some enthusiastic stuntmen.
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michael wise
Date: 1/30/2019 6:12:00 PM
I'll get in touch with you when I'm all set up! ;)
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