Things That Go Bump In the Night

As I was going to the loo, in the middle of the night, I bumped into my husband, he gave me such a fright. He was just standing there, with everything stuck out, He looked so menacing, holy hell I gave a shout. He just smiled at me, then laughed and wiggled his willy, I just shook my head and said "Get back to bed, stop being silly". As I walked past him he asked "Why are you so glum? "Because", I replied "It's 3am, I didn't want to see your bum". I had to hurry then, as I desperately wanted to pee, And to be quite honest, I'd seen all there was to see. As I got back in to bed, he chose that moment to fart, He then wafted the covers, out of bed, I did dart. I yelled, "Why do you do that you disgusting man? He just laughed and replied "I do it, simply because I can". I tutted in disgust and climbed back into bed, Even though the stench, was like a cloud around my head. I thought to myself, I sound like such a bore, That's when he decided, it was time to snore. I knew what would put him, right back in his place, So I picked up my pillow and hit him in the face. He jumped out of bed, stubbed his toe as he went, I think I'd crossed the line, but that's where I was sent. He called me some choice names, cow and witch were a few, I just lay down smiling and replied, "Now go to sleep I Love You too". Kay Roberts November 2015