THE WEIGHT OF MY MIND

Will I ever get better? It’s a pity I never realized my past traumas affected me until I got into a healthy relationship. I learned what it truly means to be loved and suddenly noticed every broken part of me. I worry it will scare him away, but what if I already did? I’m scared to leave because of the love I hold. I’m scared to stay because of the trauma I bring. My mind is a haze, and my heart is a mess. I am the problem, and I must confess, I am the weight dragging you down from finding happiness. I know I am not easy to love; my flaws and fears rise above my love. I push you away with every word and deed. Scared to hurt you and scared to lose you, I make harsh decisions. I don’t want to talk because I scare you away. I don’t want to intervene because I will hurt you with my words. I am suffocating under the weight of my mind, drowning in emotions, and feeling left behind. What if I’m losing something special, something meant to be mine? What if we have a future? Is it worth it? It’s all "ifs" in my mind. You only want to be happy, and I realized that too late. I wish I could rewind time and fix things, but how? It haunts me not to talk, not to ask but to protect you l can, It’s a pity I realized all my wrongs too late, and I don’t know how to correct them. Should I stay or should I leave?