David Kidd Poet Free verse

The Toilet Seat Dilemma - Up or Down?

Ladies, is your man wayward
when he has his vertical tinkle
and is the toilet seat down?
And isn't it time someone stood up
and spoke up against standing up
because of this problem's renown?

The toilet seat dilemma — up or down — which should it be
and can a marriage survive if two can't agree?

I've thought long and hard about this
being careful to think things through
both from his and her point of view
realizing he likes to stand two out of every three times
and only on the third will he take his pew
She likes to sit on every occasion
and needs the base of the seat down on the loo

Factoring in how women use the toilet on average six times more a day than men*
which is approximately nine times a day
it soon became clear the seat would need to be up only two out of nine times
assuming a man's aim was astray

If it wasn't astray then the seat could always be down
but alas, we all know how men like to clown

Of course a man's aim might be improved and the aperture widened lessening the woman's need of cleaning up after him
but the risk will always remain of her failing to see his yellow mark left on the rim

Pondering deeply one day in the very room of contention
I exclaimed 'Eureka!'
and not because anyone reeked
but because of discovering the answer I had seeked
Men are naturally lazy, so why do they stand?
Why don't they sit and be sure where they land?

*don’t they always seem to be in the bathroom?

###    from David’s book Poems for Wedding Receptions & Poems Definitely NOT for Wedding Receptions!

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