The Summer of 2019

I know that one day I won’t feel this way I know that this summer will be a blur When someone mentions the summer of 2019 I will smile absentmindedly and whisper that was a good summer But I won’t remember your faces I won’t remember the laughs and I won’t remember trying not to cry when i told you, a stranger, about how I starved myself The night on the patio screaming Party In The USA will be little more than a blur of feelings and images Sitting on my bed at 1am eating oreos with peanut butter and watching Netflix on my computer My new giant TShirt hanging off my body as brown crazy waves fell into my face And I smiled because I knew in the moment with my whole self that this is who I was meant to be Also smiling cause I had eaten almost a whole package of oreos and I had just taken off my bra, But mostly smiling about the knowing who I was supposed to be part. I won’t remember you making fun of me for drinking to much coffee I won’t remember that one girls amazing hugs I won’t remember laughing at lunch and hoping hot girl would sit next to me and talk to me I won’t remember feeling free with these people I wish that i believed that i will remember how free I felt Cause I've never felt that free before and sometimes I worry that I’ll never feel that free again I know, I hope, I pray that I will A lot changed this summer I changed Sure I did not have a hot steamy summer love I did not get published or make lots of money And I probably won’t see any of you again But none of that matters Cause I have never been more excited about my future I know who I am and for ones, I know who I want to be I want to be that girl who sat on her bed at 1am eating Oreos with peanut butter and watching Netflix on her computer A new giant T Shirt hanging off her body as brown crazy waves fell into her face Smiling cause she knows who she is And she loves Oreos and taking off her bra Except i don’t want to be her just for a second, I want to be her all the time But I won’t remember wanting to be her Cause i won’t remember ever being like that All because I won't remember the details of this amazing summer Only blurring memories and images of your faces And tampered echoes of our shared laughs and conversations Maybe it did not mean this much to you and it certainly won’t mean this much to future me But it does know And even if I don’t remember the details I will always smile when someone mentions the summer of 2019