The Summer of 2019

I know that one day I won’t feel this way
I know that this summer will be a blur
When someone mentions the summer of 2019 I will smile absentmindedly and whisper that was a good summer
But I won’t remember your faces
I won’t remember the laughs and I won’t remember trying not to cry when i told you, a stranger, about how I starved myself
The night on the patio screaming Party In The USA will be little more than a blur of feelings and images
Sitting on my bed at 1am eating oreos with peanut butter and watching Netflix on my computer
My new giant TShirt hanging off my body as brown crazy waves fell into my face
And I smiled because I knew in the moment with my whole self that this is who I was meant to be 
Also smiling cause I had eaten almost a whole package of oreos and I had just taken off my bra,
But mostly smiling about the knowing who I was supposed to be part.

I won’t remember you making fun of me for drinking to much coffee 
I won’t remember that one girls amazing hugs
I won’t remember laughing at lunch and hoping hot girl would sit next to me and talk to me
I won’t remember feeling free with these people
I wish that i believed that i will remember how free I felt
Cause I've never felt that free before and sometimes I worry that I’ll never feel that free again
I know, I hope, I pray that I will

A lot changed this summer
I changed
Sure I did not have a hot steamy summer love
I did not get published or make lots of money
And I probably won’t see any of you again
But none of that matters
Cause I have never been more excited about my future
I know who I am and for ones, I know who I want to be
I want to be that girl who sat on her bed at 1am eating Oreos with peanut butter and watching Netflix on her computer
A new giant T Shirt hanging off her body as brown crazy waves fell into her face
Smiling cause she knows who she is 
And she loves Oreos and taking off her bra 
Except i don’t want to be her just for a second, I want to be her all the time

But I won’t remember wanting to be her 
Cause i won’t remember ever being like that
All because I won't remember the details of this amazing summer
Only blurring memories and images of your faces 
And tampered echoes of our shared laughs and conversations
Maybe it did not mean this much to you and it certainly won’t mean this much to future me 
But it does know 
And even if I don’t remember the details I will always smile when someone mentions the summer of 2019

Copyright © Scarlet At | Year Posted 2019

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