The Strange But True Story of the Lincoln Imp

Down in hell, that stronghold of sin. strange things stir, but let me begin. I'll get to the point. Some details I'll skimp. I tell the tale of a mischievous imp. Of two imps in fact, to be more precise. If trouble occurs, it may occur twice. If on earth bawling kids cause a terrible mess, why should imps in Pandemonium do anything less? The Devil at last said in a voice low and gruff. 'I can stand it no longer. Enough is enough.' The Devil's secret agent went on a search so as to place the imps in a suitable church. 'Lincoln cathedral will make an excellent choice' said the wily demon with a whispering voice. And so it was that the imps were sent packing, a bagful of tricks and pranks never lacking. At Matins and Vespers funny noises soon sounded, pews, the lectern and even the high altar got pounded. Such nasty smells could no incense repel. In the belfry at midnight who tolled the bell? Bad things increased, becoming day to day eerier, till monks and nuns were slapped on the posterior. The archbishop exclaimed 'Enough is enough. Holy water must end all this devilish stuff.' The church warden's face turned stony and solemn, when he saw one of the imps perched on a column, where he remains in full view to this very day if to Lincoln cathedral a visit you pay. There he squats, leg on knee all alone, without any motion, now turned into stone. The second imp sent a draught dank and chill around the cathedral and, some say, does still.