The Speed of Gravity

It's pretty fast unless you are balloon or a feather, speedy, especially if you are drugged up on painkillers and have imbibed a few glasses of Pinot Noir then gravity is faster than a classic corvette stuffed full of classified documents. Otherwise it's hard to measure but in my case it's about 5'11" and flapping. I may resemble a lead balloon at such times, but I'm okay. if i were an astronaut adrift in space I would be orbiting my own brain wondering what the hell Einstein meant. Back on earth I am kissing carpet. I just can't do the gravity-math, but when the floor hit my face I cussed-out all modern day physicists and their impossibly confusing theories. I am taking 'Red Bull' today, straight from the can and hope to be lighter than air any time soon.