The Sense of Sadness

Once when I was younger, And still had my burning hunger For finding things worth my while And hopes for things to give a smile, I won’t say I was lied to, as much as I was misled When the meal to be excited for was little more than toasted bread. Disappointment has made known it’s flavor, since the very start. And I apologize, sincerely, that it’s left a marred heart. It was a weird day, having the one being taken, And it obviously left us other two shaken. But odder still for me was the next day waking. I saw the scene, he left, I know there was no faking. But even so I looked to my right, where he would have slept And at the sight of a lump about the right size, my heart leapt. Upon touching however, it was revealed that this was just a trick And the pillows under the blankets covered me in sadness thick. There was a time, when we were separated from mother, When all we had was ourselves, it was only looking out for brother, And we missed her dearly, constantly, without a day going by Where we didn’t long for her back, so she might dry what we cry. Visitation set ups at a designated location with a predetermined time Where we can, as we wait, have toys or run, wrestle, climb. So we waited…and we waited..what felt like eons past hours Until truth set in and gave me a seed that still sours. Mom not showing up to see we three Is certainly something that still lives with me. Excitement exists only to be stolen Like thinking you can save the ball, but then watch it roll in. Like thinking the meal in the oven is going to be great But it comes out blackened, charred, sealing a hungering fate. Like thinking maybe my baby brother is back, he isn’t truly gone! But then the form is broken, and the truth lays like cold hard light at dawn. Like thinking maybe this time, just this once, mom will show up Then driving home in silence, knowing you shouldn’t let your hopes up. Hopeful-happy is something from which I try to steer away Because really it has only caused me sadness on any given day.