The Pirates Lament

[Contains - for effect - deliberate miss-spelling and bad grammar] That old pirate cave was a tourist attraction The guide was in period dress In old pirate garb and a well practiced script This tale he would tell to impress… * “Rob ‘The Rum’ was often glum It’s how the grog would make him And spiteful too, with things he’d do And kids would go home shaking He’d scare with ‘pirate antics’ boasts And frighten them with tales of ghosts Until one day they all fled, crying But horses hooves left six there, dying At threat of the noose they told him deny the stories he’d told and that ghosts were a lie At last he conceded, then lost and dejected said, ‘There ain’t no ghosts, I stand here corrected.’ But justice it seems weren’t too fair in them days So though he concurred he was hanged anyways But maybe his God tried to save that old sot For his neck never broke with the slip of the knot And so with legs kickin like some headless chicken He begged and he pleaded to be cutted down And folk turned away but one heard him say ‘My ghost shall forever lay waste to this town.’ And even today there’s people what say They’ve seen old Rob here in his cave I do not deceive and you should believe That you’re either you’re stupid or brave.” * Then outside the cave into which they were crammed A loud banging sound as a car door slammed Every head turned to see what went on And the Pirate announced it was time he was gone An angry, but tatty, faux pirate, appeared In fancy dress clothes and a clearly fake beard At first he said nothing, his face wore a sneer And then he yelled, “How did you lot get in here?” One visitor said, “Yer man let us in, the one with ugly great scar on his chin.” The faux pirate said “It’s a slack time of year It’s the middle of winter… there’s only me here.” He turned to the clatter of horses on cobbles And fled when he had an attack of the wobbles And a voice, just an echo announced to the party “You do know there ain’t any ghosts… Me hearty.” 9 January 2022 Contest: A Ghost Story Sponsor: Angela Tune