The Person I Used To Be
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Written on September 8, 2024
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She lived in shadows, where light felt too bright
And joy was something spoken of,
But seldom felt or experienced, something
That most of the time, meant reaching for another,
Another’s joy, though not hers,
She hoped might, somehow, rub off
Blot out some of her pain and doubt,
Lift her spirit with a sense of what it is
To be loved, kissed, embraced
Leaving all those shadows in the past.
She lingered amid the quiet thoughts,
Broken pieces of fear, tempting her to hear
The screams of a darkness, storming, raging
Inviting her to the meal of deceit,
The darkness of a trepidation that won’t say
Where it is she might be taken,
What it is that will soon be forsaken,
What it means to let the horror overtake
Leaving only the silence, lonely and aching
To break through the shame, the disgrace,
Find the joy that might erase this place.
She lets the ones who she borrows her joy from
Know that they are nothing, mostly
People who will be used and dismissed,
Left behind with the feelings that glistened
And glittered, reflecting what it is to be given
A piece of pleasure, a wonder, an affection,
The poetry of peace, the autumn’s laughing seeds
Inviting every soul to just believe, to believe
In the dancing leaves, the quiet serenity, the fallen
Dreams, who risk becoming songs of grief,
Songs who need to be forced from the guitar’s strings.
She leaves only the shades of scandal,
Tarnished and bleeding faces of a past
Where her light was never cast,
Where her blessings could not last,
Because she was just a hollow soul,
Without a purpose, without a hope,
Prayerless and penetrating the darkness
With starless nights, feelings so quiet,
Leaving lessons behind, learning
Growing, becoming, something better,
A heart restored, an opening for more,
A song of light, whispered with insight….
She is gone, the person I once was,
The person who bled dread and fed her friends
Sadness and shame, weary and teary
She is everlastingly humbled
By the moment when she heard His voice
Finally offering her the choice…
She is gone, but the shadow is in her song,
Light breaking through the hope
With joy indescribable, joy beyond words,
Joy that comes to those who can see
Past their fears, beyond their tears,
Into the notes of a melody brought to life
By the generosity of a love who was the ultimate sacrifice!
She is gone, but I recall her misery, her dour,
The reason that I’ll forever be blessed
By the knowing… her gloom is forever in the past,
And, she will never go back – I’ll never go back!
Copyright © Regina Mcintosh | Year Posted 2024
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