The Pellet's Fool
For a moment, you were my comfort —
the next, you were the reason for my unrest.
For a moment, you held me close —
the next, you slammed me against the wall.
I couldn't tell where the tenderness ended
and the terror began —
your hands that once felt like home
became the thing I flinched from.
Maybe that's the variable interval reinforcement —
it keeps me seeking the love you give in bits,
never sure, never aware,
of me, of you.
Maybe I was a lab rat who dreamt beyond her cage,
who thought she was the one of a kind —
but I was only ever the pellet's fool,
never seeing the white coat
that lied every time.
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