The Pain I Feel

sometimes i lay awake at night just thingking about my past and wondering how long this awful memory will last it tears me open inside and rips my brain to shreds sometimes i want to kill my self jut to get this from my head the memory is short but the pain is everlasting people wonder how im still standing they say that im strong tell me im brave then why does it sitll feel the same if i am so strong then why do i feel weak why is vit so hard to finaly get some sleep why cant i shut my eyes why cant i get this from my brain all that i want is to finnaly stop this pain