The Outlaw Ethel Slater

This is the story of Ethel Slater An anarchistic agitator She met her end in feigned humility At a reinforced facility Ethel, no more golden hearted Let me tell you how that started And let me tell you how it went When she took on the government * Her basic pension she would eke But she was old and very weak She needed food and needed heat But sometimes it was heat or eat At least for two months every year She could live with greater cheer A fuel allowance each Noel Meant she could heat and eat as well Although not much, at least it meant She might still be around at lent But then a vote… a glitch in time So, late in life, she took to crime A brand new sheriff came to town His mission?.. Put the people down He hatched a plan with Robber Reeves But kept their secret up their sleeves And when they won the public vote An awful law was quickly wrote His name was Starmer and he swore The old could freeze forevermore The Christmas fuel allowance Wasn’t worth the cash it cost The sheriff’s men kept schtum About the lives that would be lost But Ethel Slater soon rebelled And tried to warm one room A duvet and an armchair Were her glimmer in the gloom Alas she sat too close And when the heater spat a spark Her neighbours, through her window Saw the flames light up the dark Sheriff Starmer sent the cops To find poor Ethel choking Her skin was burned and so they charged her with the crime of smoking Through blackened lips she mumbled, “But my meagre life is hell.” So Starmer said, “She’s Far-right too, Just sling her in a cell!” * But lo! Her cell was warm She got three meals each day as well She didn’t seem upset As far as anyone could tell One day she called a guard And mentioned Starmer’s squinty eyes She laughed out loud when Starmer said “She’ll stay there till she dies!”