The One I Loved

Sometimes I contemplate the possibility of my life changing forever. Waking up one day to find I am a few pounds lighter, a few inches taller. To go to the mirror and see a face which is as radiant as the bright sky. I sometimes wonder what would have happened differently if I had chosen the other path, Would I still be so alive as now? Feeling the pumping in my veins, along my chest like a million butterfly wings. The euphoria following this feeling of being alive. An abundance of maroon, yellow and magenta leaves fall in my mind, Like when one sees a beautiful sight unexplainable by words, The epiphany of the world which stands at my feet. If my eyes could take pictures, id store a dozen in my mind. If I had turned around that one time, walked a little faster, skipped a little higher, Would anything change? Surely swimming in the lake of one love is easy, is it not? As I fall, letting every limb fall loose, into the lake below: the calm waters turn to such spikes that prick my skin yet don’t stab my heart. In a trance, in between life and death, love and hate. For loving someone is like a lake which harnesses calm waters which deceive. Deceive enough so that you are ready to dive deep. But now, when I am in the middle of this love nor hate, tell me what can I do. Like a serpent you whispered into my ear, such sweat whispers. Making my skin crawl, hairs on my arm risen. You led me to the cacophony which I desired, the apple that I bit; whilst I was lost, you stared at me. Letting me fall so low so that you could stay above. I still raise my hand hoping that you could pull me to change. Is it possible? For me to wake up different? No need to live the sick lies and fake loves, ill finally let go, finally, I hope.