The Official Jar Opener
I was the official jar opener in our house
Until this jar of Bick's Pickled Beets
Knocked me off my perch
Mr. He-Man here is now fighting off severe depression
It's a conspiracy, cause I was acting too much like a smart ass
That lid tightening machine heard about me
And is purposely making the seal tighter
So no actual human can open it without farting
And then it's still basicly impossible
I think the government should pass a law
That prohibits this kind of practice
To prevent us from ending up crying like a baby
And sucking our thumb all cuddled up in the corner
My dear wife decided to give it a shot
And apparently with no struggle at all
She managed to open the damn stupid thing
As I always say, “I loosened it for you!”
You can visit me in an old folks home
3:00 to 4:00 every weekday afternoon
And between 1:00 and 6:00 on weekends
© Jack Ellison 2014
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