Get Your Premium Membership

The Night Santa Left Me in Stitches

Twas the night before Christmas and I was a gasp at the rumors that filled me with an odious fright. For Santa Claus was now tired of working for free and would be harvesting organs well into the night. He would be looking for kidneys, livers and hearts as well as others too numerous to mention. All this was designed to lower his cost of production and help his Elves with their healthcare and pension. The reporters reported the disheartening news that dear Santa had put an end to holiday cheer. And to lock all our windows and batten the doors to prevent a Christmas which could end only in tears. Now the Media's record of telling the truth was often wrong and extremely spotty at best. So I had faith in Saint Nick and his message of hope and would not give in to the lies they address. So I fell into slumber to awake Christmas morning and put my trust in the jolly old Elf. But awoke latter that night when the stomping of hooves caused several books to fall from the shelf. Quickly grabbing a candle... I flew down the stairs to see my tree laden with presents and toys. As dear Santa had come through with his usual flair and my trepidation turned to wonder and joy. So I opened a window and peered through the night and spotted the old Elf at the head of his sleigh. I heard him yell from afar as he drove out of sight, 'You should rest in bed for most of the day.' I pondered his point... unsure what he meant as my body began to shimmy and shiver. And as sure as the bells that would ring Christmas morn... that fat bastard had taken half of my liver. So as I lay in the bed and considered my stress and the reason for my tension and plight. But put it aside... when I realized by giving an organ I put the spirit of Christmas in a more favorable light. The End Night before Christmas Poetry Contest Sponsor: Joseph May Date: Nov 29/2019

Copyright © | Year Posted 2019




Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem.

Please Login to post a comment

Date: 12/15/2019 3:33:00 PM
back with my Congrats. Way to go, my friend!
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/15/2019 4:01:00 PM
Thanks Andrea. I do love humor for the holidays. Have a great day.
Date: 12/15/2019 8:23:00 AM
St Nick picks up as well as delivers!, Congrats on your win David
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/15/2019 4:00:00 PM
Thanks for setting up the contest. A lot of funny stuff. Have a great day my friend.
Date: 12/14/2019 12:03:00 PM
Delightful poem, David. Congrats on your win.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/14/2019 3:17:00 PM
Thanks a bunch. Have a great day my friend.
Date: 12/7/2019 8:12:00 AM
A very creative and humorous piece my friend. The fat bastard verse got me... I almost fell out of my chair laughing. Thanks, a wonderful thing to illicit laughter my friend. As laughter is soothing/healing to the human soul. Love the brilliant title too.. A fav, a very creative beauty ..
Login to Reply
Date: 12/6/2019 7:04:00 AM
Wow, this was creatively written! Well done :)
Login to Reply
Date: 12/1/2019 8:09:00 PM
'That fat bastard' really got to me. Can't stop chuckling… Once gave a 7th grade math teacher, a Miss Dixon, a Happy St. Patrick's Day card printed in orange, that read 'You Irish Bastard' on the back of it. Naive me had no idea what it meant, and my 'good friends' had put me up to t. My father had to come to school to convince the principal that I was innocent. (Those days are sure gone). Thanks for the triip down nostalgia lane, David, and Merry Xmas! ~ gw
Login to Reply
Wolf Avatar
Gershon Wolf
Date: 12/13/2019 1:00:00 PM
Perfect people may not actually be capable of prolonged laughter! LOL. Peace and Joy, Gershon
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 6:04:00 PM
It's true. Many of the funny things that we remember happened by accident. I wonder what 'perfect' people laugh about? Have a great night my friend.
Date: 12/1/2019 3:14:00 PM
Oh my, what a dark one this is, and yet you kept it humorous. Great ending on it! It was funny.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 6:05:00 PM
Thanks Andrea. I do love a good ending. Have a great day.
Date: 12/1/2019 1:15:00 AM
Truly award winning David!!! At first I thought I would read this to my grand niece, but then reaching the end I thought perhaps not, but as I type this comment, I'm thinking, "Why not?" She's intelligent and gifted, I'm sure she will get it. Thanks David.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 6:07:00 PM
I did not use the term 'fat bastard' lightly but nothing else seemed to convey what I was looking for. Have a great day my friend.
Date: 11/30/2019 2:44:00 AM
Entertaining as your cartoons, and that is saying a LOT!
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 6:08:00 PM
Thanks Caren and congratulations on your POTD. A wonderful piece.
Date: 11/29/2019 11:55:00 PM
Hi david a fine addiction to the contest. Thanks for sharing this and best of luck in the contest.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 7:00:00 PM
Thanks Gregory. Have a great day.
Date: 11/29/2019 9:16:00 PM
Oh my, now that’s a different take on the fat old bastard. I hope he didn’t pair it with onions and a bottle of Chianti.
Login to Reply
McHattie Avatar
David McHattie
Date: 12/2/2019 6:59:00 PM
Interesting. That might have made for a funnier poem. Have a great day my friend.