The Neverending Rollercoaster

We start the ride fresh and feeling good. Slowly the first bumps appear. As we start to climb, the bumps become rougher and quicker. The doubt creeps in. I second guess my decision. Should I have been so quick to take this ride with you. Should I have taken my time, should I have fastened myself in? I yearned for the excitement, the thrill of the ride. I wanted to feel the rush of adrenaline. I needed to feel fun and carefree. But the feeling didn't last long.... We go up and down, around and around From one moment to the next, I never know what to expect. My heart beats with love one minute, the next it beats with anxiety, the next with uncertainty. I feel all these feelings, like an engine overload. Our carriage is bumping and scraping and knocking around. It is so unstable, I feel it could leave the tracks at anytime. We reach the final peak, and my heart feels like it will burst. Like it will burst from anxiety, fear, the pain from the bumps, the love of the ride. We get off the ride, it will close for the day. I am tired from the emotions of riding this rollercoaster with you everyday. I lie in my bed, hoping and dreaming, that tomorrow will be different. That maybe we can ride the carousel instead. That we can turn slowly, take everything in, and enjoy this ride together. That instead of the rollercoaster ride, rushing past in blurs of bumps and grinds and fear and anxiety, that it can be gentle and colourful and full of music and laughter like the carousel. But the rollercoaster is our life, because this is what you choose. You tighten your grip on me and pull me in. Every time! I do not need the courage to ride the fast ride. I need the courage to loosen your grip and ride the carousel. Though the horses on the carousel will only fit 1, and it may get lonely, loneliness has to feel better than fear and anxiety?