The More I Try

the more i try to show you exactly who i am you turn your back on me and i don't know why my heart ached for you and it shattered really fine i kissed my futures goodnight and drummed up my strength to cry i am a mourning masochist and a shattered sadist i cut my soul just to see if it's real your heart never knew the dangers in my eyes i am sick inside my soul over and over again i can't think about the futures without realizing the past knowing i was wrong when i chose to make love to you each time i felt dejected because i was untrue my heart cried bloody murder when i feel in love with you i screamed to the heavens and shouted down to hell i needed you to love me but my futures are too bright i thought it was love but i now came to see that deep inside of me i truly hate you there wasn't any guilt when i let you go i felt more relief that i don't have to try no more.