The Mirror

The Mirror When I look in the mirror I don’t see me, I see who I used to be. A little lost girl that was so abused and so misused, so ashamed of who she was, so helpless and so selfless. Yet somehow she refused to give in, refused to give up on life. Even though she tried. She used her books to take her wherever she wanted to be. Away from all the hurt, all the suffering, all the sadness, all the misery. She could become the person she aspired to be in that book. It was her story. She was the glory. She had to be that person in her book. Because real life was off the hook. The shero was not what she saw when she looked in the mirror. She was no shero. She was not indomitable. She did not know how life would go. A lost little girl is what she would see. The person she did not want to be. It was out of her grasp. Instead she had to gasp for air so that she could breathe another day, so that she could live another hour, so that she could move away from the pain and the strife, so that the sadness of life would not make her cower from the madness so rife. In her real life story would she continue to be the victim, or will she emerge victoriously? It’s time to stop being controlled, seeking to be consoled and be in the role of her own destination. Move away from the chaos and strife. Make her way, in life, make her mark, walk her stride. Will she ever be able to look in the mirror and see a true reflection of who she has become not a deflection of who she was? Will she see the woman that has emerged from the pain and the hurt and instead see the swarthy girl of a pearl that was a result? It’s time to look to someone higher than me. I can’t do it by myself. The valley is too deep to crawl out of, too deep to dig out of, too deep to shovel out of by myself. I felt I had no one. No one that could console my sadness, that would not add to the madness, that understood my weakness, that would not exploit my meekness. No one that truly understood me. That did not mean I had no one. Feeling alone is only a feeling. It is not necessarily so really. Yet those feelings have you reeling in and out of sadness and darkness and loneliness. There were always ones right by my side. My sadness blocked their view from my eyes My good dad would say, “anything you want to be, look, just read it in a book”. Mom would say “you could write a book, when ended, send it to Oprah she’ll just love it, I’m sure of it. .I said “mom ok, whatever you say.” I truly had big sisters that would tell me “don’t hurt yourself because someone else hurt you, hurt them”. They would tell me “you’re smarter than that don’t let them put you down. Don’t let anyone run you around or take your crown. And certainly don’t let them beat you down emotionally”. Then there are my dear brothers when grown up beyond the past, looked out for our lives. They took us out of the misery and strife. They put us in a safe place away from all the pain we faced. That was enough to get me through the tough teen years. For all of them I will be forever grateful. For sure those years were truly fateful. Yet the heartache and pain lingered through the years on into adult tears. When you look in the mirror ask yourself; Who provided your safe place, helped you move past the disgrace, wipe the tears from your face? Be grateful. I certainly am. Now I can say I found that someone. I had never met a person—man woman or child that I felt was truly worthy of my love or whose love I felt worthy of. Until my sister introduced me to the one and only Jehovah that dwells up above. That’s when I began to learn that in order to feel loved you have to know that you are loved by him. Life does not begin, life does not extend, life does not resend but revolves around the love that can only come from the one above. Have you allowed yourself to be loved, to be graced by the essence of the mightiest love that like a dove only comes from above? Then and only then will you truly know love. Now I can say my life is complete not just because I found my soulmate a man with no hate, that has never closed the gate of his heart to me. My Eddie, a man that is worthy of my love and I of his for 35 years. My life is complete not just because my family is the epitome of family love that takes the hurt and sorrow and suffering and pain and deals with it without placing blame. Instead to the core we come out loving each other even more. Keeping each other from being maimed, instead keeping each one in the game of life. My life is complete not just because I have a brother hood of friends that are out of this world good. Friendships that this world can not dismantle, they are the panel that holds the key to what friendship should be. We help each other bear what they can not handle because love is there. My life is complete because I am never worthy but graced with undeserved kindness that will not be erased. He has taught me how to love. I know what love looks like, acts like, and should treat me like. I know how to have self respect and how to respect others. Without Him life is truly over! Today I can breathe. Today I feel free.Today I am not needy but feel needed. Because of His reflection there is no deflection. I can give direction of how you too can find love. Today I can see not the me that use to be. Today in the mirror, I can see me. https://youtu.be/XKldnolBrbw