The Maid of Honour's Speech

I know the Maid of Honour’s duties do not include a speech, But looking at the perfect Bride, a vision in gold... and peach, I couldn’t let the moment pass, without the chance to say, How perfect for each other you are, on this your wedding day. We’ve been friends forever, in school you were a brat, But now you’re older, more mature and getting rather fat! I know you really hate me; the proof is in the dress, This thing you chose to put me in, it really is a mess! Bows and ruffles everywhere, however could you think, That a mature twenty eight year old could pull off vivid pink? I know your gown is hideous, but even with that said, There’s still no reason why the other bridesmaids are in red. It’s clear to all that your wish for me was just to look a show, And as it is your special day, I thought I’d let it go. You’d always seemed to find it hard to find the perfect man, You sat and watched all of your friends find theirs and formed a plan. You tried it on with who they’d found until you had a date. And so you lost a fair few friends? You’d found yourself a mate! And in the groom you’ve found a man who over flows with love, And through the trials that lie ahead, he’ll help you rise above. With hugs and kisses he’ll shower you and have a few to spare, In fact I saw him earlier, canoodling with Claire! Honey, don’t react like that, he’s a jerk, I know it’s true, But remember that you first hooked up, at our engagement do. A leopard cannot change its spots, or so the proverb says, And you told me you only married him for money anyway! But then again you always were a shallow two-faced cow, And why on earth should you decide to change your ways right now? So ladies and gentlemen please join me, raise a glass, To the spiteful two-faced Bride, and her two-timing Ass!