The Internal Struggle

The internal struggle There's a monster at my door And I should not let him in, He's come and gone a thousand times And now he's back again. I do not have the wherewithal To play with him today, I wish it were more easy To make him go away I feel my strength is fading I don't know where it goes, Since this is so personal You'd think that I would know The knocking is getting louder As I'm sucked into the flame, And tomorrow I'll have no one But me, myself to blame As I prepare to greet my demon Excitement fills my mind, As I try to reassure myself That this is the last time In the back of my mind I know that isnt true I've been here too many times before, As timidly but happily I open up the door All at once My mind is numb I no longer feel pain or fear, The cloudy memories have vanished Everything seems so clear Tomorrow may be different But I'm invincible today, And then I let my monster know That it's time he goes away The cycle will begin again When I've awoken filled with shame The monster came and made me Play his stupid little game One day I'll win this battle One day I'll be so brave, If I continue losing I'll soon be in my grave By Jodee Morin Dec. 10, 2019