The Heart and the Beat

Washing my face at night - I drown in sorrow. Patting a towel on my skin. Pressing firm. Laughing causes wrinkles. Everyone knows that. Yet humor is one of the best defense mechanisms. My heart skips around like a 90's Walkman. Suddenly I don't feel so alone. The music takes over my limbs. I wave my lanky limbs around like a kite. I ask myself whether or not I should smile. My eyes roll out of habit. What am I supposed to do now? Taste the coffee that you delicately poured. I prefer tea but I needed some energy. As I throw my cup in the recycling bin.. I count the ants - lined up and ready to march forward. I know my limitations. I know my end is near. I hold my hands under the faucet. I wait for the water to boil. I am making a cup of tea. I am trying to relax. I am trying to be something bigger and better. Each day is beautiful. Each night is divine. Is there something wrong with this picture? I only film in the grey areas. No more joking around. I thought about the last thing you said before you died. That you wanted God to love you. I think He does. I sure knew I did. The spoonful of honey and cream. Make the tea less bitter. But it is still a challenge to swallow. Like the lump I got in my throat while reading your obituary. You were the one who I saw a future with. I don't know how much I can pretend that I'm not hurt. Grab life by the collar and dance in the reflection of the moon. She whispers lines from your favourite poem. Once I get comfortable, I begin to weep. I can't remember what brings me peace. A small cursive chant that makes me ache. A part of me that hasn't been afraid. Washing my face in the sink. Tomorrow is another day. I love you now, then, and always. I sold a story to afford to eat. Now I just need to learn to digest. My heart skips around like a 90's Walkman. It will never cease to amaze me how much you knew. About Faith and Charity. I softly sing the words to your favourite hymn. Hope you'll hear them. I think laughter is one of the best ways to heal. Even if it does cause wrinkles..