The Girl Across the Room

An over whelming feeling.
Your beauty is just too great.
I don't know how to explain.
I only hope its fate.

You constantly jump in my mind.
With those perfectly soft lips. 
I don't dare wish out.
You watch as my heart slips.

I watch you every so often.
Your eyes are looking my way.
What could you be thinking?
What could I possibly say?

I want you to be mine.
To feel the way I do.
Please smile at me again.
So with this poem, I can be through.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2005


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Date: 12/6/2016 6:22:00 AM
Hi Michael: What may help getting more comments is to pick a form. The simplest form for you to pick would be 'rhyme.' Many people on soup enjoy reading rhyme. Your last line feels a bit too forced and could be stronger. Keep writing and reading and soon you'll get more comments.
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Macmillan Avatar
Cyndi Macmillan
Date: 12/6/2016 10:23:00 AM
My apologies! There is another Michael Osborne requesting comments on blogs! Apparently, there are two of you. I would not normally leave a critique, except it was requested... by someone with your name. Again, sorry!
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