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The Girl Across the Room

An over whelming feeling. Your beauty is just too great. I don't know how to explain. I only hope its fate. You constantly jump in my mind. With those perfectly soft lips. I don't dare wish out. You watch as my heart slips. I watch you every so often. Your eyes are looking my way. What could you be thinking? What could I possibly say? I want you to be mine. To feel the way I do. Please smile at me again. So with this poem, I can be through.

Copyright © | Year Posted 2005

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Date: 12/6/2016 6:22:00 AM
Hi Michael: What may help getting more comments is to pick a form. The simplest form for you to pick would be 'rhyme.' Many people on soup enjoy reading rhyme. Your last line feels a bit too forced and could be stronger. Keep writing and reading and soon you'll get more comments.
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Cyndi Macmillan
Date: 12/6/2016 10:23:00 AM
My apologies! There is another Michael Osborne requesting comments on blogs! Apparently, there are two of you. I would not normally leave a critique, except it was requested... by someone with your name. Again, sorry!