The First Non-Funeral
The first non-funeral I ever heard about was for a relative I had never wanted to claim.
She was an evil-soul, mean-spirited, a cruel paragon of human non-virtue.
When I was a child I would have rather visited the dentist,
and I probably have the worst, sorest teeth in the universe
so that is spelling it out.
She had specifically asked for no funeral, and this was decades before non-funerals were popular.
I knew why.
She had alienated the neighbors, and the relatives,
and I mean ALL the relatives, and some of us are particularly
impossible to alienate.
In lieu of a funeral, there was a reception for her.
It was attended by four people.
Her two children, one whom she had treated horribly,
a drinking buddy, who was inebriated, and possibly on something else,
and my sister who does not count as she is a ghoul about funerals,
excited to add this to her amazing I-go-to-every-funeral-in-this-town
count which at that time was in the six thousand range.
I was in town that day, sitting in a chair, pointedly not going to this non-funeral.
Copyright © Caren Krutsinger | Year Posted 2018
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